Pain entity

warning...raw post!
Facing ones pain….What an incredibly hard task. To look at all the rejection, awful things people have said, the abuses that were committed against you, and to what exactly?

I was thinking today as I went for a walk that our society is not one that teaches us how to deal with pain. The moment we feel an ache or bump within our own bodies we pop about three advil and think nothing of it. The message is clear when it comes to pain. Well, you shouldn’t be feeling it and if you are feeling it then you need to numb it. What an interesting message. I don’t think I agree with it. When our bodies scream at us in pain it is usually an indication that something is wrong, that either a muscle has been strained and needs to heal, it is a clear message from our body that whatever we are doing needs to be stopped. Now the pain does not subside even when we do stop, in fact it take much time. But the point is listening and trying to get to the root of the problem, not masking over our pain with some sort of temporary numbing effect. I am learning that if you don’t listen to your pain, even if you numb it, it will manifest itself in other ways. And it would seem that if we don’t pay attention to it right away it will in the end do more damage.

But why does it seem like the message is pain = bad!!! Pain is a good indication for what is going on within in many ways that we don’t understand.
I don’t actually know that it is much different emotionally. Mask, ignore, numb…..these don’t even work at all. Pain in the end leaves us with a few options. Either we deal with the pain and allow ourselves to embrace it, risking the fact that we may never get over it and in the end it could destroy us, but the possibility of healing is there: Or we ignore it, mask it, usually in unhealthy ways which in the end destroy us and our loved ones anyways. So I have decided as of today that I am going to start embracing my pain. And well…..it hurts, A LOT.

It helps to think of my pain as an entity on its own. So I envisioned my pain in a way that I think suited her regarding all the wounds that I have acquired over my 24 (almost 25) years of my life. Then I began to imagine what it would look like if you could see everyone’s pain entity. And how some people are aware of theirs, and other unwilling too look at theirs at all. But in a way they speak to us and haunt us in everything we do. For example today at the market Dolores says to me “Kim don’t leave those lids lying everywhere, you know things get disorganized if you do that” immediately my mind goes to places of being scolded as a little girls and the feelings of worthlessness that follow. Now, was Dolores saying I was worthless? No. I recognized this immediately as my pain not as Dolores. SO. I am starting to listen, and correct and allow her to heal. She (as in my pain entity) is not that scary, she is just simply a part of me.
Maybe all of this is too esoteric and scary for everyone to think about, but I think maybe our world would be a better place if we were a little more honest about the pain we feel and that there are better coping mechanisms than to shut it out, numb it, or simply deny it’s presence.
Just my thoughts.

p.s please note I am not saying that medication, or even pain medication is necessarily bad. But it can’t stop there ☺