Hunger count

Yes I am posting it here and on my facebook. It is a message that needs to get out.

Here is the link.

New roomate

When it rains it pours. Isn't that the saying?

On top of an already bad day I found out I have a room mate. It is of the rodent variety. A room mate which I do not plan to keep as this room mate does not pay rent or food. Poor mouse...but alas my house is not a shelter ;).

Maybe that is why cats kill mice, because they generally loath them. I loath rodents. Especially in my living quaters.

Better than bed bugs I suppose :).

Vulnerability

vulnerable |ˈvəln(ə)rəbəl|
adjective
"susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm".

It hurts to be vulnerable, but only my ego.

I also know that authentic love is not possible unless I am vulnerable.

That is fucking scary (pardon my french).

It is so much easier to be jaded and angry, and have huge walls that drive everyone away. But when it comes down to pros and cons I would rather have attempted to love and have been scorned (by friends, family, lovers etc.) than to wallow away in bitterness until the day I die.

Yes our world would be a better place if everyone could do this. Risk to love, risk ourselves and our ego, put aside our bitterness and anger.

It was Ghandi who said "be the change you wish to see in the world".
Therefore it starts with me.

Listen

"We saw the Great Spirit's work in almost everything: sun, moon, trees, wind and mountains. Sometimes we approached the Great Spirit through these things. Was that so bad? I think we have a true belief in the supreme being, a stronger faith than that of most whites who have called us pagans...Indians living close to nature and nature's ruler are not living in darkness.

Did you know that trees talk? Well they do. They talk to each other, and they'll talk to you if you listen. Trouble is, white people don't listen. They never learned to listen to the Indians so I don't suppose they'll listen to other voices in nature. But I have learned a lot from trees: Sometimes about the weather, sometimes about the animals, sometimes about the Great Spirit".
- Tatanga Mani or Walking Buffalo

The only one who is going to fix it is you

The only one who is going to fix it is you

I will let the title speak for itself. I think I am learning more and more that we need to take responsibility for our actions. In our society we project, blame, and will do anything to make it seem as though we are simply the victim. That is not to say that individuals have not gone through hard times, and that larger systemic injustices exist and need to be dealt with.

At the micro level the only thing that will ever change individuals is well….themselves. But we always project…. “if only there were the right circumstances, if only I met the right person, if only this person changed, if only I didn’t have to do everything”. Yes that is true but what is not more empowering than realizing that in fact the only person who can make things better is ones self. If you are in a bad circumstance than it is your job to get out of it. We always have a choice. Take responsibility for your actions.

Perhaps it is alarming for individuals to hear this especially because I work in a domestic abuse shelter. But the women who make it and turn their lives around are the women who understand this truth. One woman said to me “He won’t change, therefore it is my job to take care of myself and my children and to make our lives better”.

The only safe place that can be facilitated is within. No one else can be that safe place for you. If your inner being is in turmoil than it is your job to fix it. It is your job to take care of yourself; and by doing so you actually impact the world around you in a very positive way.

The only way our society is going to change is if individuals begin to take responsibility for their actions.

The end.

Balance

Well I think it’s time to blog.

And then I think to myself what is the point of blogging again? Then I remember that is sharing what I have been thinking about lately with those closest to me. O.k. So here goes a small glimpse of what goes on in Kim’s mind. Don’t get lost!

Favorite new song: Chris Brown “Forever”. Can’t explain why I just think it is such a great song! Maybe because I love dancing so much ;). I know it’s pathetic but when I find a song I really like I have a tendency to listen to it over and over again until I get really sick of it. It’s similar to how some people are with candy I think.

Work: I have many thoughts about my work. All I can say is that I have much to learn. I also can say that I have already learned much. The women I work with are truly amazing. There is so much to say that I can’t even begin to put into words. Their stories, their culture, everything. Sometimes I sit and wonder how on earth they let me into their world. I treat it as a huge honor. So what I am I learning from them? The strength and vitality that people have. These women and children have adopted extreme survival techniques. They will out smart the staff often. Even the children blow me away with their sheer wit and adaptability. In order to not be traumatized myself from a lot of their stories I have been adopting some serious self care techniques. And lucky for me I am being eased into this all by just being part time right now. I am also learning a lot about the aboriginal culture which I will talk about more later.

Inner world: I have been taking many of the aboriginal lessons and applying them to my life in a more diligent way. The medicine wheel is posted all over our shelter and it’s wisdom speaks to all aspects of our lives; and it speaks of balance (those that would like to know more about the medicine wheel I am will give you a link here). If I am going to go into an environment that requires a lot from me and is quite negative sometimes I must be able to counter balance that with a lot of positive things in my life. Which is why today I splurged and bought some essential oils, and an oil burner. I am all about making my environment safe and beautiful and part of that is smell for me. Right now I am burning lavender, a fragrance of balance.

I also got some dried sage (also called a sage wand) and smudged myself and my house. I find this so necessary (and one of my beautiful friends). The idea of cleansing all that is within and outside in order to help oneself survive and thrive. Sage is a cleansing, healing and protecting herb. The idea of smudging is a way of purifying oneself, healing oneself, and setting up protection so that other negative influences can’t come in. Of course this does not have to be done through smudging there are other forms (prayer, mediation etc..) for me smudging is very meaningful. The reason? I am kinesthetic, and it give me something I can touch and smell. It also gives me a connection with the earth and plants which I love and a connection with a spirituality that I find very meaningful. Also sage is known to be especially healing for women. Yes the Aboriginal people knew this long before we did. One of the things I noticed immediately when I entered my shelter for the second time was that there was sage across all of our doorposts. Sage doesn’t have to be lit to act out it’s properties.

Reading: Ken Wilber and Harry Potter. One a renowned think tank especially in regards to evolutionary spirituality, the other a brave boy with a scar on his head. Both somehow are able to speak to my life at this point. Again here are my attempts to balance, a rather rigorous read with a nice fantasy book.

That about sums it up.

Concatenate

Left brain or right brain?
Check out the link here and tell me which way she was spinning for you!
For me she was spinning left, and I stared and stared and could not make it spin right. I think after looking at it for about 20 minutes straight she started to spin right.

And after much dialogue (with various individuals and with myself) I found out that I am actually according to Myers Briggs (drum roll please....) an ENTP (there is another link for those of you who may desire to read this). Of course I have many ENFP qualities as well. But as I grow and develop more into the person I am I find I fit better with the description of the T, and yes I finally decided that I am an Extrovert. I take in my world via externally from myself.

What an insightful day. Not that this changes anything on the grand scheme of things other than the reality that I am starting to understand how I approach my world and therefore how I can change and develop as a person.

p.s I love living in my own place because clothing is optional :P