Friday, July 17, 2009

Ugh.....Not this feeling again


The words pour over me like something to be said
There is nothing and there is everything racing around in my head
BE DONE WITH IT! Leave this world behind
All of this is meaningless and no there is no rewind
I want to smash dishes all over the floor
Throw cupboards and books until there is nothing more
I want to see my own blood ooze and flow
over the pain and wretchedness that my heart seems to know
Why am I here? What is this all for?
And I am tired of hearing that there is something more
I am angry and I am hurt
paralized by my incapacity to be emotionally alert
I am lonely, hungry and incapacitated
Only to find everything tastes of ash and emptiness eminated
Spare me of your words breathed out of a meta-narrative of patriarchy
I find no comfort there, and I would rather be burned alive in a crematory
Let me find my way in my own space and time
But right now let me write this poem that does not really rhyme :)
I hate this feeling of being so utterly dissatisfied
To find my time here has been spent merely myself preoccupied
Am I an addict? Bent over escaping this reality?
Everything is on my nerves especially my own totality
My hurt burns with the longing to be touched and to touch
But yet I am left at the end of the night with my own silence and it is too much
Shut it up and out
Those voices that cry about, crying to understand
The brilliant energy that fills this land
Mother earth, be my solace now
For into your embrace I fall only with the question of how
How will I make it? Where will I go?
Time will be my friend as I wait to know

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