Graduation, tatoos, and marriage

So I suddenly realized today that a lot has happened in my life lately…and suddenly as I am sitting here working on a toast for my friends wedding, I realize just how over-whelmed I feel….but in a good way, if that makes sense.
I graduated last weekend. It feels very odd to have done that. I don’t actually feel any different. Who decides that once you have written this many papers, read this many books, and thought about these different concepts you deserve a sheet of paper that says, “B.A in Social Sciences”…or here is a certificate that says, finally you know something. Who decides whether I know something or not? I fear that since I have been in college this long I realize how little I actually know…and now that I am graduated I am suppose to have the answers, or I am suppose to know something about something? I feel very inadequate. I have more questions than I know what to do with. Everything that I thought was truth has been turned up-side down. The way the world runs is very problematic, yet I don’t have the answers to fix such a system. I feel like I am standing here saying, “what the fuck?” I know that I have to keep moving forward. I know that even if I only shed a little bit of light into a dark world, then I have done more than was done before…but sometimes my inhibitions get the better of me…
I got a tattoo in Hebrew. It is from psalm 105 “Seek Yahweh always”. This was significant for a number of reasons. I suppose this is my declaration of my life. I will seek God always. Some people were upset that we actually put this name on ourselves. For me there are many names for God, and by not naming him he/she is still named. I will seek the Truth always, I will seek the way that is Just and Right always, I will seek that which is love; and therefore I seek God. This verse is especially significant because it was something the earlier theologians always came back to. When they had great disagreements regarding translation and interpretation about God, they would always come back to this verse. All that matters is that we SEEK the Truth, not assuming we have finally arrived at the final truth or interpretation. BUT SEEKING! This is what my life will be. And I am proud do bear this reminder on my body as a tangible reminder of that.
My friends also received the same tattoo, which was very significant for me. This is how all of us want to conduct our lives, and in so doing it will be a constant reminder to do this together, even if we aren’t in contact.
My room-mate is getting married tomorrow: I have been discussing over and over again what it is about marriage that is significant. I suppose it all depends on what you define marriage as. When I asked Emily this question today she answered so eloquently: I knew from the very beginning that Alex and I would get married, therefore all the ceremony tomorrow is; is a public declaration of my decision to love this person for the rest of my life. In a way it is like baptism. A public declaration that one will follow God for the rest of their lives. Marriage in turn is a public declaration of commitment to this one person for the rest of their lives.
As I was writing my speech for the toast tomorrow, I realized how much memories are wrapped up in simply living with someone for a year. How much more would it be living with someone for an entire life? It is over-whelming! Humans are such mysterious creatures…we can never know ourselves exhaustively, never mind someone else. But how beautiful is it that two lives can be united in their uniqueness to make a new deep and intricate story together, one of which no one else will know either than the couple. I think there is something very precious in that.

Blessing Alex and Emily on your wedding tomorrow ;)
There will be dancing! I am so excited!